Радость моя! Для тебя! Извини, что не раньше. Думала, я из вставляла, а наткнулась на файл, припомнила, и оказалось, что нет...
намба раз
“Hello there,” said the vacuum cleaner salesman to the little girl who answered the door. “Would you like to buy a vacuum cleaner? Watch this!” Pushing his way into the house, the salesman proceeded to dump a pile of lint and coffee grounds out onto the shag carpet.
“If this vacuum doesn’t clean this mess right up,” he boasted with a big smile, “why… I’ll eat it right up.”
At this, the little girl turned and left the room.
“Where you going, kid?” called the salesman. “To find your mom?”
“Nope,” answered the little girl from the doorway, “I’m getting a plate and a spoon… ‘cause we don’t have any electricity!
намба два
A rabbi and a priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him.
After the crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, “So you’re priest. I’m a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt. This must be a sign from God!”
Pointing to the sky, he continues, “God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth.”
The priest replies, “I agree with you completely. This must surely be a sign from God!”
The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, “And look at this! Here’s another miracle! Ma car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine did not break! Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune.”
The priest nods in agreement.
The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi.
The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest.
The priest, baffled, asks, “Aren’t you having any, rabbi?”
The rabbi replies, “Nah… I think I’ll wait for the police.”
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Homer – who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket – went in to try out for the job.
“Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “Homer, what is 1 and 1?”
“11,” he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but he’s right.”
“What two days of the week start with the letter T?”
“Today and Tomorrow.”
He was again surprised that Homer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
“Now Homer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?”
Homer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, “I don’t know.”
“Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while?”
So, Homer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Homer was exultant.
“It went great! First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!”